When love comes for you
When love comes for you, when the real touches that rock-hard wall you know so well, when truth sneaks under your skin just a notch too close to control… Feels as if a thousand prayers are answered at once. A sigh of relief. A shuddering loosens the body…
But then you push it away, you run, hide from what you have been longing for the most. Oh, you are terrified, but no one shall know. Shame covers this beautiful face. As if there is something wrong with you. What is it? Why do I do it? This wrestling with a question that is not making any sense.
You are not alone in it. The guy walking by the coffee shop, your friend who is texting you… They too have this strange dance going on, deep inside a hurt heart or playing out in the brightly lit streets of this world.
Fear of love.
You may shake your head, not me, not me. Honestly, are you lying to yourself?
What’s your special threshold where you keep love at bay? When it touches places that you rather hide from yourself. When it wakes a raw wildness that you can’t control or sell. When it renders you helplessly vulnerable and you taste the old hurt you desperately wanted to forget. You don’t want to experience that, of course. ‚I hold the fort down’ says the clever mind and builds a new smart strategy to assure your survival and the trauma gets buried yet again.
And then there is that annoying prayer, that longing ache of soul, which keeps arising at the most inconvenient times.
Keep staying on the edge, lean in and lean back, you got a choice this time. Nudge closer and turn away. Play. Feel the safety of the ground. You don’t need to leap over the edge but you don’t need to stay stuck in the same place. Sense the aliveness in this dance, this struggle of a lifetime. And ask,
Why risk again and let love come in and out? And take over the entire make belief house?
The answer is awaiting patiently. Here, in your soul.