Aching for real Love?
We want it badly. But rarely do we admit our secret, ravenous hunger. You see this thirst for the ‘real’ in the eyes of colleagues, a neighbor, the mailman, and in your own. You know the ache for unconditional love. Most folks try hard to find it somewhere, but no one knows where. A lot of fingers point to the moon.
Maybe we get it with the perfect partner, through fame, sex, fortune, or by becoming enlightened or improving ourselves? One eye is secretly on the lookout for this love we are supposed to have, but it seems to be lacking in spades around the world. People talk about it, dream and watch Hollywood movies – at least they have happy endings.
This song “All you need is love” keeps chasing us on the merry-go-round.
Ok, let’s admit it – you, I, and everyone else wants to be truly seen, heard, met, and accepted as we are. It feels so satisfying, sane, and good. When you hold hands with a beloved, feeling connected and accepted, you are filled with delicious warmth. Or, what you share is received by a friend, who just understands and doesn’t try to fix you. Do you remember, when you woke with exuberant joy, ready to discover what wonders the day may hold?
Of course, you want more of this love, much more.
Yet, life also dishes out a different experience. Your boss just dismissed your input; your partner doesn’t listen after a long day of work… You get mad, silently or out loud, when your words aren’t heard. It bugs you when you feel disrespected. You know this sad moment when you aren’t seen and the world doesn’t recognize your gifts. When another gives a crumb about you and betrays you ruthlessly too. And you yourself might feel afraid to carry your heart on the sleeve in a world such as this, and therefore don’t speak what feels vulnerable and so alive. Like a miser you keep love locked up inside a crusted heart. Out of fear to be rejected you don’t risk loving beyond your comfort zone and keep yourself seemingly safe.
Maybe you have thrown in the towel, as the hunt for love has turned out too disappointing and who has time for this soft stuff anyway? You may have gotten hurt too many a time and shut the door to your heart, which once knew love- for good. The cost? You live in isolation, numbness, and quiet despair. No relationship can flourish here, but the ache inside just won’t leave you alone at night. It is calling you home.
And a flicker of hope keeps perking up.
If only you would be prettier, smarter, and righter, in short- more and better than you are -love might just show up and camp out in your house forever. So, you keep working on yourself to be worthy and good enough. Maybe a diet or more money will do? In the attempt to be loved, you may revert to pleasing others, and then you resent them for not returning the favor. You may do your best in loving your child, but fall short by losing your temper when you have to clean up the mess on the floor for the fifth time in one day. You struggle to give or to receive a little of life’s elixir. Exhausting, hm?
You are not the only one; most people experience this in one way or another. The good news is: You got this love already. It lives within your heart, hidden beneath the layers of conditioning and protection armor. Remember how you felt when you held your newborn baby in your arms and when you tasted your first loving kiss or helped out someone? There are many moments you have touched and been touched by love.
How do we discover more of this sought-after treasure among the maze of delusions and cultivate the soil for unconditional love to grow in our lives and relationships?
These 5 Magic Keys open the Door
to experience real love. They help you to connect from authenticity, presence, and wholeheartedness with your mate, a friend, your child, yourself, and people you meet in life.
You have heard it: the present is the gift. Without being present, no love is possible, as no one is home. Practice awareness, notice what you feel, observe your thoughts, and sense your body at this moment. Let yourself focus on the now, what you are experiencing, and what is happening with another exactly in this moment. You may just notice a bigger space in which you are held, and supported, and can relax into simply being here. Daily mindfulness and meditation practice really help to show up with our gift.
Have you noticed how struggling against the stream gets you nowhere? How does judging, analyzing, and trying to figure it all out help you? It just tangles you into a tight knot and leaves you anxious. Apply curiosity, it cuts through fear quite nicely and opens the heart and mind. Inquiry questions can free you: “I wonder how this situation will unfold? I am curious to discover the world of my partner. What am I feeling? How might we resolve this issue together?” A child experiences natural wonder and love because they are innocently curious to discover life.
We can only start where we are. When you feel stressed, disconnected, guarded, and don’t feel loving at all, then admit that honestly to yourself without judgment. Accept what is here, even if you do not like it, and let yourself soften. Notice what happens when you welcome the feelings (yes, even the pain or anger) without rejecting, resisting, and clinging. Don’t act out your crabbiness, nor suppress your feelings. Give it all room and breath to be here. First then can you shift and step toward greater openness.
Place your hand on your heart and breathe several times deeply into this area. Then bring your attention toward appreciating something, like the food you eat, the flowers in your garden, or the smile from your child…let it be immediate, nothing big. Connect with what is good in the other and in yourself. Allow and feel the sense of warmth emerging. Revel in this one taste and let it fill you. Then pass it forward by sharing an appreciation with someone. Watch what happens.
Words of Love:
These are simple, yet powerful words you can use for yourself and others. Make sure you mean and feel it when you express them, or else it’s fake:
“I am here with you. I hear you. I see you. I care about you. I appreciate you. “
Dare to offer what most people are longing for; believe me, very drop matters in a vast desert land.
Yes, it takes courage to shed the armor and show up for real, but it is fulfilling to choose to live in love.
A whole world opens up when we step in that direction and discover love in the places least expected: with a stranger on the street, when you relish warm sunlight touching your face; in the moment when you are present with a hurting friend; or when you untether from the fears and ‘shoulds’ to let love move you as if it is your last day on earth.
Live it! Boldly, shakingly and imperfectly. For the world, you and everyone are aching for this.
Lo and behold, soon enough, more and more, you find that you turn into the one who really sees, hears, accepts, and can meet anything that life dishes out.
For you stand in love together with many of us.
Welcome home where you belong!
Nicola Amadora Ph.D. guides people with a refreshingly real, embodied way of spirituality to live love, so we can make a difference in our lives, relationships, and this world. She works with folks all around the world for decades. Nicola is a psychologist, spiritual teacher, educator, speaker, and author. Connect with her at: www.nicolaamadora.com